I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
