If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
