seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
