Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
