I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
do herpes really smell.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
