Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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