The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
