Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
