i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
