Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
