She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
