i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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