I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
