Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
