I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
