they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
