I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need to calm my uterus...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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