the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
