IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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