D3 body, D1 cock
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All the doctor said was why
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
