splinters make it hard to masturbate
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
