fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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