where does the pee come out of this thing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
