Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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