you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
