I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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