Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
