I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
