I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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