Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
