Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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