Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
