apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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