I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
