oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
