The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
