Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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