After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
our cab driver is having phone sex.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
