There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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