You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
