Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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