Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
