Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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