I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
