I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
