I wish my penis had an off switch
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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