she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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