So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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