and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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