then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
