I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
