I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
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