Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
