My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
