I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
