I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
