Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize