And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
