would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
