Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
