Hey man sorry I got all grabby
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
