You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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