is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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