he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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