i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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