Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
