my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
